I turned 26 years old over the weekend. It was a pretty fabulous birthday–one that started with cuddles from my little girl, breakfast made by my husband, and then, unfortunately, a loss by my Broncos. Thankfully, we headed to dinner immediately following the loss, so I couldn’t dwell on it too much. Instead, I drank my sorrows in Cabernet Sauvignon, and ate my weight in delicious food, and by the end of the night I had forgotten about our terrible defense.

Now, I am 26, and it seems that this whole aging thing is not a joke. It is time to take care of myself, which can only mean one thing: Operation Heidi Klum. Yes, I have committed to doing the Heidi thing before, but this time feels different. Maybe it is because I am officially in my late twenties, and every time I repeat the “late twenties” thing aloud, I feel a huge weight on my shoulders (literally, and figuratively). I am relatively healthy. I am in relatively good shape. But, I think relatively just isn’t what I want for myself anymore. I told my friend Denise, that I was tired of complaining about something that I can 100% control. If I really want to run, and if I want to do something about my mommy love handles, then I would actually do it…right? Not just sit around and complain about it, while stuffing my face with another pan of brownies, while yelling/sobbing at the television during another episode of the Biggest Loser? RIGHT. So, just running is probably not going to cut it anymore. We did birthday dinner with some friends and they had started P90X to the X (I don’t even know what the latest one is called), that day, together. I think Bryant and I both were simultaneously jealous, because we have done it before, yet never actually completed the entire 90 days. I did it last summer, and made it about 4 weeks until I got too confident and did not do one of the modified moves during a workout and then was in horrific knee pain and then bailed. Bryant and I did it together a couple years ago, and once we found out we were moving to New Jersey, decided to do a bunch of evenings at the bar with friends saying goodbye instead of doing our workouts. We are really awesome at excuses. So, when Bryant asked me if I wanted to do P90X together, I felt happy inside…mostly about the together part, not the painful workouts part.

Long story short, I am ready to go all Operation Heidi Klum, and fully commit to getting my shit together. I’ll Mommy by day, and Operation Heidi Klum by night, and somewhere in there find time to do the graduate student thing (because my classes started last week, and, whoa, so many papers). But, I am going to do it, damnit. Because, I matter, and my happiness is tied to my whole self (right, Mrs. President?) It is true. I’ve had a year after year battle with running. It is an activity that I love to hate. So, maybe, if I can figure out a way to enjoy crazy Tony being all weird and excited about jumping around like a fool, and then, figure out how to channel that same excited energy into running, then, somehow, everything will collide and create one big happy Heidi Klummy trifecta of awesome. Maybe? I hope so. Because, I have really grand ideas about what mommyhood should actually be like, and a lot of it involves being able to chase my kid around a yard for hours without being totally and completely out of breath to the point of vomit. Mommyhood makes me want to be better at everything. I know that I won’t be perfect-far from it. But, I feel this drive to try to be the best that I can be–and that includes loving myself enough to make time for myself…to be kicked around by some crazy muscley guy who drives me crazy (talking about Tony here).

WHO IS WITH ME!? It’s ok, for the first time, I am actually comfortable doing it alone.