I’m pretty sure I did. I’m almost certain had I not taken action, her natural gag reflexes would not have been forceful enough to clear her airway.

I have been nauseous for the last 4-5 days basically. Some stomach virus, I assume, because I am not with child, and I don’t normally have problems with nausea. This is important to my story because I felt really crappy all day long. I had already thrown up twice, and was struggling to eat anything really. So, at 5pm, I was feeding Kinsey her dinner, but mostly, I had just cut up things and watched her eat, when suddenly, a piece of pear lodged itself in her throat. Her face turned red, and she tried to cry but could not, which was how I knew that she wasn’t just gagging, she could not breathe. By the grace of God, I had not strapped Kinsey into her high chair like I usually do. For some reason, on this occasion, I had just slipped her into her chair, and slid the table tray in. So, I was able to quickly pull her up and throw her over my knee and perform the baby Heimlich. It took just one swat, and the piece of pear flew out, and then Kinsey threw up a little bit, but was breathing. The kid didn’t even cry. She just started climbing all over me as if nothing serious or life threatening had just happened. I thought I was fine, but suddenly, I felt like I was going to pass out. The adrenaline plus my fainting disorder, coupled with my stomach problems, was just too much. I put Kinsey down and ran to the bathroom to vomit. Then, spent the next half hour with serious shakes, holding onto Kinsey thinking about what would have happened had I not had my “Oh my gosh, I am a Mom, and I am home alone with this little baby all day, that I absolutely have to keep alive” moments when Kinsey was brought home from the hospital. You see, those moments of total panic were essential to Kinsey’s survival today, because in those moments I googled the worst case scenarios and prepared myself on how to handle them. How high is too high of a fever? How do I know if my baby has a concussion? And, today’s lesson, how do I perform the Heimlich maneuver on an infant? I had hoped that I would never have to use any of this information, but, thank Jesus (literally) that I cope with panic by loading myself with information. I walk myself through the worst possible/most horrifying situations, so that in case for some terrible reason, I am caught in the worst of worst, I will have prepared my plan of action.

I worried that if Kinsey was actually choking, that I would freeze. I did not freeze. I reacted, quickly. However, I did not recover well. I didn’t have some sort of happy “high” moment, of “BOOM! I JUST SAVED MY BABY!” Instead, I vomited, and then called my husband, and told him that the scariest possible thing that could ever happen had just happened. He said “good job”  and of course was proud of me, but because he wasn’t there, he couldn’t really grasp onto the fear and then recovery that I experienced. I felt sick…absolutely sick…

Kinsey will probably live out the rest of her toddler years sans pears. They are dangerous fruits, and as it turns out, a total death trap.

I saved my daughter’s life today.

I also puked a lot.

Thank goodness tomorrow is Friday.