I’ve never wanted to be a mommy group kind of mom. I always imagined a mom’s group as a really negative place to be–full of uppity bitches who want to tell you why your version of attachment parenting is damaging your child, or point fingers at you for leaving bumpers in your crib. We’d meet in the McDonalds play area, and I’d be crucified for not keeping my baby on a schedule, and then I’d get all offended and throw a milk shake at some toddler and stomp out (I have a very vivid imagination). So, when a Mom that I met at church mentioned that she meets a few other Mom’s at the park and goes walking, I shuttered a little, then mentally slapped myself and decided I’d work up to being open to the idea. Last night, I got an email from one of the girl’s in our house church group, inviting me to go. I enthusiastically agreed, but spent the night a little bit tormented, wondering how exactly it was going to play out. Let me tell you, it was the opposite of the McDonald’s play area scenario. It was a small group, but we just talked and walked, and stopped and had to feed our babies, but they were all nice and non-judgey and I didn’t once feel like if I said too much they would criticize or slam me. We got to complain about post partum hair loss together, and talk about how horrific it was to birth a baby, and none of them were like “horrific? you mean beautiful and magical?” They all had epidurals and they sympathized with my rough pregnancy, and I sympathized with theirs, and I felt like it was a situation where we could be friends outside of having children. I didn’t get that feeling like all we would ever talk about was birthing horror stories and baby nap times…they were real people. So, while this post would have been more exciting had I thrown a McDonald’s milkshake at a toddler, or if I got into some sort of verbal altercation over the cry it out method, but, I am really thrilled to report that I think I will go again. And, I don’t think we will ever meet at a McDonald’s so that is certainly a win.
Say what?! Kinsey is just 2 days shy of the big 3-month marker. I feel seasoned, and pretty motherly actually. I don’t remember what it was like without her and I’m not at all annoyed by the fact that there is a baby constantly attached to me. I think this must mean we have hit the marker where things don’t suck anymore. All of the mothers that actually gave a shit about being truthful said to me “Katie, it is going to be terrible for the first 3 months. Just know now, the first 3 months suck, then it gets better.” They were right. The first 3 months was a little hellish with a few glittered moments of happy. We were grateful the whole time, but it was clouded a little by the lack of sleep and the gas, and figuring out the cries, and figuring out the naps…sleep mostly, it was clouded by everything related to sleeping. But, we made it. We survived it. We moved to another state during it. So here are a few updates.
1) I said pretty whole-heartedly I would not be having anymore children, because of the birthing and the feeling of dying. I’ve had 3 months to process the horrific events that occurred between the days of February 28th and March 1st..as well as the 9 months of syncopy and heart doctors and brain doctors and spontaneous hospital visits, and here it is: it really is worth it. I am not saying that it isn’t traumatic, and I am not saying that it isn’t the worst possible experience that a person can go through…it is all of those things, but Kinsey is a breath of fresh air. She is perfectly and wonderfully made. For those reasons, I have agreed to consider going through all of that one more time.
2) Post partum is so strange and so exhausting. My hair is falling out, and I spend most mornings in complete silence, mourning the loss of each strand. No joke, 10 weeks post partum hit and I swears half of my hair is gone since then. I am also very sweaty. I sweat when I am just standing, doing nothing at all. My body doesn’t understand. Which also means that when I am at the gym, I am DRIPPING, and it is DISGUSTING. I think you are often warned about Post Partum Depression, but not really warned about the continual body changes that happen after delivery. Breast feeding aside, my body is still doing weird stuff.
3) Operation Heidi Klum. I have lost 2 more pounds since I started working out. My milk supply seems fine, and I’m starting to feel stronger. Running is easier. My ab muscles are starting to think about existing again, and ultimately, it doesn’t suck so bad. Also, I’ve stopped eating ice cream…so that could be the main contributing factor, but lets instead believe it was all of the running.
4) Kinsey coos. She stares at me and smiles. She likes to listen to me sing and tell stories. She loves books. The other night she was beside herself and I started to read and she quieted up as to make sure that she didn’t miss anything. She can hold her head up at a 45 degree angle, and occasionally can get it up to a 60 degree angle. She is lazy, but its ok, I love her anyway.
5) I am more in love with my husband today than I was the day I married him. Children do that. I look at her and I see him, and I look at him, and I love him more for loving her. I love him for telling her stories, I love when he gets sad on the days when he works late and doesn’t get to spend time with her, I love how he sings to her as he’s changing her diaper or doing the dishes. I love how he helps me, how he sees when I am desperately tired, how he does the dishes for me and takes out the trash…the little things mean everything, and I love how this extra person has brought us closer together. We made a baby, and we keep her alive together every single day. We have a purpose outside of loving each other, and our life planning now includes someone else. It is beautiful.
Happy 3 months my little. You are just perfect. We are grateful. We are in awe of you. You have brought so much joy and so much hope.
Some days are done best when they are done simple. Rid of the complexities in scheduling and errands, to do lists and quotas…better enjoyed with a bit of chicken and rice.
We went to the park today. Walked around with the dogs, let them swim in the creek, and soaked in the sunshine. Simple. We sat on the Starbucks patio, sipped ice coffees and talked to Kinsey about life. Simple. I threw together dinner, baked chicken breasts, artichokes, mushrooms, and carrots, thrown on top of rice and Italian dressing. Simple.
Our days need more chicken and rice. Less clutter. Less stress. Less errands. More family. More relaxation. More love. Time is fleeting, so why waste it on busy?
I think this is a better kind of happiness. The kind that feels full. The kind that just is.
Chicken. Rice. And a bit of flavor.
Happy 3-day weekend friends/bloggers. And thank you to our troops, who have given up the simple to defend our country and fight for our freedoms. We are forever grateful.