I am 37 weeks and 3 days.
I am losing my freaking mind.
My doctor I think has just been trying to say hopeful and inspirational things in an effort to get me in a better mind over body place, and for some reason I have let him trick me. Last week he said “Katie, you can have this baby this week or next, 37 or 38 weeks, I think she will come.” And I was like “I don’t think thats going to happen.” And he was all “Why do you think that? I really think she is ready.” Well this little conversation was him tricking me because seriously, I am still pregnant, and now every second of the day I am having this internal conversation with myself:
“God, we are having this baby today. Did you feel that? I felt that. Is my back hurting? Is this back labor? Maybe my water will just break. I think sitting on this couch is too comfortable. I need to be in a squatting position at all times. I’m going to go clean the bathroom again. OUCH! YES! THAT WAS A CONTRACTION! …well shit, I guess that was a fake one. OUCH! THAT FELT LIKE A REAL ONE! I AM GOING TO TRY NOT TO MOVE BECAUSE THAT MIGHT MAKE THEM KEEP COMING…OH NO I HAVE TO GO TO THE BATHROOM!”
Then while I’m peeing, I’m thinking…
“God, lets just go ahead and have my water break now. This is the perfect time for something like that. Ok I’m going to stand up, heres your last chance, and….and…nope.”
Seriously you guys, I’m losing my mind.
Last night, Bryant woke up at 2am. I was very aware that he was awake. I thought to myself “This is it. We are both awake in the middle of the night at the exact same time for a reason. This must be it. He senses it too. What is that pain? Are these real contractions? They have to be, because we are both awake.” Then 30 minutes later, Bryant was sleeping soundly and I was laying there saying “Its ok God, I know you are just going to make sure my water breaks before I wake up.” Then somehow, it became 7am, and there was no signs of anything.
I decided today that I need to accept the fact that I probably have at least 2 more weeks of this crap ahead of me.