Do you feel safe? Do you know who’s pulling you over?! DO YOU?

A month ago I was pulled over for speeding. Yes, I was speeding; however, the area to which I was speeding in isn’t clearly marked and is on a strange road that goes from 55 to 45 to 35 and back to 45 in a span of 1 mile. Regardless, I was pulled over. I was also issued what the lovely state of Oregon calls a “fix it ticket.” You see, when we moved here, I expected to turn in my Washington ID and be given an Oregon ID, just as Washington did when we moved from Colorado. Instead, we were asked to take a written drivers test, to which my husband and I both failed because it asked a series of BS questions regarding blind person procedures and how to share the road with a horse. We failed. We walked out laughing, and I never went back to retake it. Fast forward 1 year, I’m pulled over and am told that I have to get my Oregon License or pay Jackson County $256.00.

2 weeks ago I got my license and today I went to take care of my ticket. Now, the “officer” (and I use that term loosely because I honestly have no idea anymore) told me that I could find any officer to sign the fix it portion of my ticket and all would be forgiven.

I drove to the address on my ticket and am told that I can’t take care of my ticket there. Woman says ” no that’s not ours, drive down the street and they will help you. Who gave you this ticket?” I reply: “uh, an officer of the law. I don’t know.” (yes, my exact words) she replies ” ok, well, maybe they will know.” I drive down the street. Walk up to the court clerk at City Hall, “wrong place honey, I can’t help you. You need to go down to 505 Oak.” I reply ” I was just there, they told me to come here.” She says, ” I promise, I can’t help, who gave you this?” Me: “A man. In a police uniform.” Her: “I can’t help. They should know how to help you.” I drive back down the street to the justice court, I see the same woman, she says “your back!” Me: “they can’t help me. Can you please just help me?” Her: “well you need an officer to sign this. So go back over there to the police station and have them sign it.” Me: you aren’t joking are you? Her: ” you know where it is? Go back onto Oak..” Me: “YES! I know where it is!” I drive back down the street.

I’m at the police station. Explain my situation. Woman says…get ready for it…”who gave you this? This isn’t one of ours?!” Me: ” you are the 3rd person to ask me that. I don’t know! His name is on the ticket! A man! Tall! It was a month ago!” She calls someone. An officer (I think, but I really can’t tell anymore) in a uniform says “I guess I can sign this, but…I just don’t know who gave it to you” Me: “he said any officer! Any officer can sign it!” He signs it finally. I drive back to the justice court. Her: “huh. I don’t know who this is? I’ve never seen this officer sign this before.” She makes a call, after 10 minutes says they can accept it…I pay 143.00 and leave.

My questions:
1) who gave me this ticket?
2) was this even on my record?
3) have I been punked?

My answers.
A white man. Dressed like a cop. I don’t know, and probably.

So, I would not be surprised if I’m hauled away in a few months for not showing up to my fake court date or if I find out that I gave Jackson County a $143.00 donation.

Story over.