I feel the happiest than I have ever been in my entire life. Its massive, and real, and something about where I have landed after all this time has presented a sense of happiness and rest. I have found my constants–without them I feel uneasy, with them I feel…complete. Just as Desmond was the constant–he never changed; he was unaffected by the chaos; he could face the most extreme of circumstances and somehow remain; Desmond was woken up from his afterlife when he saw Penny-his constant, and then brought everyone together. His purpose was always to just be. Desmond had to be Daniel’s constant–because he was always there, he was there the entire time. Desmond was the constant; the helper; the element of the story that was always underestimated and underappreciated.
Jesus is my constant. His unfailing love and His overwhelming grace; He keeps me steady; my faith is unwavering. My husband is my constant. Bringing the word “home” with him every time he walks in our front door. He keeps me grounded; firm in who I am and who I can be, never letting me doubt my worth. My body is my constant. My focus on keeping it well and healthy–it keeps me moving, keeps me feeling like I can do things, looks at me in the mirror every morning when I wake up–it’s the only one I have. My heart feels full, because I’ve found home and resolve in where my life has taken me. I’ve always felt like something was missing, like I messed up earlier on and it made me turn wayward. But, I’m realizing that this is it. This is all I have. And as I sit here, sipping on my coffee, I am in awe of this life. The Lord has blessed me, in ways that can only be described as beautiful. Yes, I struggle. Yes, I can feel angry and pissed. Yes, there are things from my past that I still need face head on, but God never changes. My husband’s love grows. My heart feels warm and happy.
It all seems silly. It took me so long to stop analyzing and stressing and to start living and breathing and delighting. I recognize my constants, the elements that will always be-its up to me to keep them alive, to keep them fresh and healthy. These are the things that matter.
If anything goes wrong, I have my constants.